Shadows of self
Sigh, I don’t know what this blog is going to be about yet (well, unconsidered trifles…), so bear with me. I have no book news (hint, hint, publisher/distributor, ‘twould be nice to know when people can buy it in Australia – from a real bookshop, where one could indulge the thrill of seeing it on the shelves). So I’m going to revisit some scraps of writing done for various reasons over the last few years.
I saw a photograph of a child in one of my Flickr contact’s photostreams yesterday, and commented that she looked so much like him. He replied, ‘I never tire of hearing she looks like me’. It reminded me of this musing on family photographs …
The first time I visited my husband’s homeland (Mauritius), I wanted to see his family photographs. It is a part of knowing and understanding someone; a link with a part of their life that will always be foreign to you.
Because my father ran a photographic business as a sideline during my childhood, our childhood was much photographed and documented. Photographs are a great aide memoire, and I have a stash of these images safe in a special acid-free box.
I wanted to see the childhood of my husband, but there were no photographs. I will not be able to go back and compare my husband’s baby face with those of the children we hope to have (edit: I read that now and weep).
I see this with my sister’s children. When younger, my nephew Julian looked more to me like his paternal uncle than his father, but baby photos of his father and his father’s four siblings reveal multiple likenesses to all five Russos at certain ages. Family, like shadows from clouds, shift and dance across the child’s face.
I am the spitting image, as a child, of my mother, as a child, whereas my sister is not. Delving further back into photographs from the paternal side, I see that my sister could almost be my great-aunt Eileen reincarnated (what makes the connection more telling is the fact Eileen was a nurse, who served in the First World War, and my sister is a nurse too).
But these shadows of self, for me, stop here.
It’s very nice to find a link to my daughter on your beautiful new blog (nice work, Russ).
We share a childhood similarity: my father has been a photographer my entire life. I have often commented to friends that I must be the most photographed child alive! ;-) A common complaint from my sister and I was: “Dad! Not the camera, again!” I think back on it now and thank him for his persistence. He’s also interested in family history and has become ‘The Collector’ of our family’s photographs and family tree. As such, I have a fairly good idea as to how each of my grandparents appeared going back some seven, or eight, generations.
However, I can also relate to the loss you feel. Sapphira’s father abandoned her mother while she was pregnant with Saph. Understandably, he’s long since been scratched from ‘the record’ and I haven’t seen a single photograph of him. At times, I wonder if Aurora might look like her grandfather … I’m sure Sapphira (my partner) must - she doesn’t look anything like her mother, or her grandmother.
I’m looking forward to your book, Helen. Following its progress in images (on your Flickr stream) has been both fun and intriguing. I’ll be sure to tune in here for future updates (I’m subscribed too).
I’m glad you liked it Adam and that it struck a chord. Seven or eight generations? I’m impressed! (I’ve seen photographs back to my great great grandmother’s generation - that’s all.)
I can’t imagine what that would have been like for Sapphira and her mother. It’s such an incomprehensible thing. (But such estrangements and pain, I’m learning, are a lot more common than I had realised.)
I first scribbled this piece down in my notebook three years ago, and I’ve since tracked down a few family images of Mike in the possession of his uncle and grandfather (who I met on a later trip to Mauritius). All flickred of course!
Thanks for dropping by and for your interest in the book. Being on Flickr has made the whole book thing much more enjoyable and given me a unique way to share this information. Mind you, it was Russ who said put the feed links on and I don’t actually understand what they do!